Every day this month, I have been invoking Belphegore and drawing his energy down into myself. This has been an attempt at self-alchemy. I have wanted to transform myself into someone stronger, both emotionally and professionally. In thanks, I am writing a piece of fiction for him.
I always find the success of these workings in the emotional realm hard to judge, especially when I am in the midst of them. I continue to have my bad days and my good days, with stress getting to me on some far more than others. Isn’t that the case for everyone? On the other hand, I’ve also realized that there are certain factors in my life that I currently can’t change. Writing or trying to get any concentrated work done is impossible for me on the weekend, yet I keep trying. Come Sunday, I haven’t gained much ground and I’m much more frustrated than I was before. It’s just not worth it anymore. I have to surrender to the situation.
The same could be said for the story I am writing for Belphegore. I started on one plot, got about 3500 words into it, and knew I was going the down the wrong path. I had the right character (mostly), but this was the wrong story for her. If I kept going, the result would feel forced and lackluster—nothing I’d want to offer to Belphegore. Even if I could salvage what I’d written for another project later on, I knew I had to start his story again. So far, I’ve written 4500 words of it. I’ve been keeping record of my invocations and offerings in brief on Instagram, Tumblr, and Facebook during that time.
Really, it’s fitting that Belphegore is an earth daemon because this story feels like being on an archeological dig. I started in one direction, thinking I knew where the buried treasure was, only to discover I’d been traveling the wrong way. Once I got back on track, the route to the treasure remains strewn with rubble. Each day I clear away a bit more, revealing another glimpse of my characters, and I have to take notes on what to go back and edit to keep it in line with what I discovered. I usually am a planner when it comes to writing, but I am “pantsing” this one. Neither is better—either way, my output remains painfully slow.
Be that as me may, I promised I would share snippets from what I am writing. As the story is meant to honor Belphegore, I’ll start with this: